Anyway, today I had spent on little sleep. I've run on less sleep, but for some reason today was ridiculously bad. I was trying extremely hard just to stay awake. I never actually fell asleep in class right up until Chemistry when I was out for about 15 minutes and the teacher didn't notice. This is in a class of 14. In French, my teacher actually had to ask if I was okay because I looked like I was about to start crying. Don't ask me why she thought that,... were my eyes watering with the effort of staying open? Wowza.
- Location:School
- Mood:
sleepy - Music:Lullaby - Blackfield
Marching Band:
Our show Velocity was the absolute shit. Thus it was a shame that we did worse with it this year than last. This is partially due to the fact that half of our band had never marched previously, but whatever. The pit was absolutely incredible this season, but only musically. There was so much ridiculous drama going on by the end that I wanted to shoot myself. Whatever, at least it's over.
Free Time:
I no longer know what this even is, but unlike last year I'm barely suffering from it.
Social Life:
As much as i hate to say it, my life is going much easier without it. I decided that I wanted to dissociate myself from the "group" of friends with which I am most affiliated, and my life has been much easier as a result. On that note, I think that I brought an end to one of the most supportive friendships I've ever been involved in... so not all is well.
School:
Everything is hard. I've just picked up some degree of time management skills to deal with it. Physics is proving to be one of the most difficult courses that I've ever taken, ever.
I'll elaborate on this some more soon hopefully, but right now I have a ridiculous headache.
- Location:Home
- Mood:
exanimate - Music:Women Who Love Men Who Love Drugs - Oceansize
Wow.
It has been a while since I've last posted, but the real changes in my life began even further back, in the midst of may. Which is when I started dating chick #3. Our personalities, as analyzed by our friend*, are very similar, and likewise we find comfort in having a group of friends to support us. Now, she has already been involved with a fairly steady, drama-free* group of friends, whereas I did not. I've been welcomed to this new group with open arms, as far as I know, since almost everyone in this little group was in a relationship with someone else in the group, we are already being dubbed the best couple.
On December 4, 2007, my life took a turn for the worse. I am not sure what happened on that day. I guess I just woke up, things didn't go my way, and I came home depressed. The thing is, I never felt any better until essentially mid-May 2008. In this 6 month time period, I would almost constantly seek some degree of emotional support from what i would consider the closest thing to a group of friends. This was practically useless, but I suppose it might have kept me sane, as I was seriously depressed for the majority of this time period.
Then, I got a girlfriend. Dating for barely over a month, and I'm not even the same person anymore. I'm... happy. I don't regret waking up in the morning. I don't regret social contact with important people, no matter how good or bad they go. There is one thing I regret though, and that is ever seeking support from this aforementioned group of friends. This drastic turnaround in my life has allowed me to successfully analyze what went wrong in my life, and I can actually understand the reasons for my depression, other than settling with "my life sucks" like I did for months.
Between these people, there was so much drama, so much arguing, and it just wasn't a pleasant atmosphere to be in. When my problems began, I posted a note on facebook some time before I started this journal, explaining the reasons why I was unhappy. One of my friends (oddly the cause of most of this aforementioned drama) now memorably stated that one solution would be to get a girlfriend. She can see into the future, I swear. One thing she did misinterpret though, was the reason for my unhappiness. I can't put any blame on her; I misinterpreted it as well. She noted a time in the beginning of the school year where I was presumably unhappy, and simultaneously isolated from the group of friends. I was somewhat unaware that I was isolating myself, but upon further analysis, the reason for both situations is the result of being overworked. I was juggling KAMSC, school, Marching Band, and Tennis at the same time. I don't regret this time at all. And now, when I am once again (except purposefully) isolated from this group, I am having the time of my life! If only this summer would continue to infinity...
*These two notes in the text are a reference to an apparent cause of drama, as my friend's relationship analysis was occasionally critical of other couples and friends, but she didn't know that other people read her blog that she posted this analysis on. Just an interesting fact, not really applicable to me, as my "review" was positively the most positive, which is good for my recovering self-esteem.
- Location:Home
- Mood:
content - Music:My New World - Transatlantic
So here's the story.
On my 4th driving session in drivers ed segment one, which was ALMOST A YEAR AGO, with no previous driving experience other than the previous 3 sessions, I came really REALLY close to being t-boned by another fast car in an intersection being controlled by a traffic cop. I pulled out from behind a parked semi trailer to find another car that had already been waved through the intersection accelerating perpendicular to the drivers ed car. If it weren't for that freaking passenger side brake, I would most likely either be dead or seriously injured. (this guy was going quite fast)
After that I was really really shaken and I've always been reluctant to drive, sometimes being so afraid that I won't do it for months on end. My parents insisted that I was a good driver, because I hadn't made any serious mistakes and I always drive cautiously as opposed to aggressively.
Then, after a funeral we were driving out to south haven, and we stopped at the barnes and noble. As we were pulling out of the parking lot, I almost blew right threw a 4-way stop sign before the lit intersection as another car was pulling through. My parents had to scream "STOP" at me to prevent a stupid, avoidable accident from occurring. This would not have been a bad crash if one had happened, but if there were a cop there, i would have been busted for sure.
At this point I was really flustered, because driving like that combined with fear gives me a lot of stress. I'm paying attention to everything that happens on the road, especially the signs (so as not to miss a stop sign) At one point, me and my dad are arguing over driving of course, and I swerve around an animal (because I'm not cruel, just stupid) and accidentally cross the center line into oncoming traffic because I wasn't paying attention to the lane lines. It was a weird country road with rumble strips down the middle. Had I not been driving down this unusual road, I would have been in a head-on collision at 60 miles an hour. My dad insisted that it was fine, but at this point I had lost all remaining confidence in my ability to drive safely, and pulled over so that I could sacrifice my drivers seat. When we arrived home, my parents got into a long, loud argument about what to do with me and learning to drive, and they've decided that they weren't going to basically ever ask me to drive unless i wanted to.
It's almost necessary for me to get my license at some point before college which leaves me with 2 years. three times the amount of driving experience that I have now. This doesn't seem like enough to allow me to drive by myself at all. There's no way I can get my license after I go to college, and there is no point in getting one if I get it after college. I'm pretty pathetic.
- Location:South Haven
- Mood:
scared
Part 1: Chemistry
Today marked the end of the most important part of my life thus far: the end of the first half of my time spent in KAMSC. Our chemistry exam was not too hard, thankfully, so i was stress free and in a good mood by the end. Unfortunately I had forgotten to bring a novel to read after the exam, so i was left playing Gold Phoenix on my calculator for the half hour remaining. All I can say is that the numbers 10:27 have never been more significant to me. I loaded my things into my friend's car and we proceeded to drive to my house for a few minutes, where I demonstrated to them that I do not know my own fish's name.
Part 2: Waiting
When we got to my house, I brought things to use at the picnic, such as my awesome frisbee, some Oreos, and goldfish. I offered to bring my charcoal stack for grilling, but my friends used a propane tank instead. My girlfriend (chick #3) had told me that she was going to be done with her 1st and 2nd hour exams at PC by 11:00. I suspected 11:10 so that was when we left my house. It turns out that exams didn't end until 11:40, so we spent a great deal of time waiting in the parking lot though. We were then bombarded with the driver's terrible music until we got to Ramona Park.
Part 3: Ramona Park
This is where the second best day ever begins.
1.) Frisbee with my awesome frisbee
2.) Food (aka hot dogs and capri sun)
3.) Ultimate Frisbee
4.) Loitering on the dock on Long Lake
5.) Basketball (Me and chick #3 skipped this one together)
6.) Capture the Flag (I captured the flag, then proceeded to go to our extremely large side where chick #3 was still chasing tall guy around after 10 minutes of us having one)
7.) Attempting to grill with charcoal. My friends told me not to bring a charcoal stack so they struggled and struggled to light a fire. We had gone through almost an entire bottle of lighter fluid by the time we got something going to roast marshmallows on. Then i proceeded to be a dick and without any lighter fluid lit a banana muffin on fire and roasted a marshmallow on it. It was extremely tasty, and it was banana scented. Everyone hated me for having gone camping before.
8.) We went down to the beach again, but then i jumped in, still wearing my shorts. (I am always the first person, for some reason) Then almost everyone came in, and this was probably the most fun. Unfortunately, chick #3 had to leave at this point.
9.) We played basketball for a little while
10.) The weather started getting nasty, so we had to call it quits at this point.
The reason this is second on my somewhat short list of "best days ever" was because it was still pretty flawed. I ended up losing my frisbee, even after we searched the park before we left. We assume someone had taken it. Also, despite chick#3 being there, it was still frighteningly unromantic. I don't feel like our relationship is going anywhere, and today didn't help. All of my friends liked her though, as this was the first time she had met the majority of them. June 06, 2008 is still not better than February 29, 2008. Maybe I'll post a retro-entry on that someday.
- Location:Ramona Park, KAMSC
- Mood: jubilant
- Music:Acid Rain - Liquid Tension Experiment
Today was the day of my dreaded math exam, which followed a 55/60 on my french orals, and I think a decent job on my CS exam(s). I spent about 2 hours studying last night, because i couldn't get off of 4chan.
Our wiry egyptian math teacher, Mr. Alsheri, promised a 1 and 1/2 hour exam, and those who struggled could work until it was time to leave after 2.5 hours. Nobody finished the exam. I was angry about that test too, because it started off really easy, and i thought i was on a roll, and it got really hard all of a sudden. All in all, I am really unhappy with math right now, because i ended my second marking period of the semester at a C because the last two weeks of legends kept me from getting much studying/homework done. Le sigh...
On a completely unrelated note, i found a facebook app that counts your wpm typing speed, and I'm getting really good at it, i'm at 107 wpm right now.
- Location:KAMSC
- Mood:
disappointed - Music:Around the World - Daft Punk
Tuesday marks the first half of my CS exam, as well as a math test that could very well determine if I pass a class or not. Also, my French orals start that day, which need to be written because unfortunately, I cannot speak French without planning ahead. Unfortunately I need to do these the night before because from 6-9 on that day, drum line rehearsals begin.
Wednesday starts with my final CS exam, and ends with my French oral. Then I have to study like mad for Math the next day
Thursday is the beginning of my death. Following my study-deprived tuesday and wednesday, I will have to demonstrate that I understand the fundamentals of mathematics. I can't do this.
Friday is the chemistry exam, which is probably going to destroy me. I have failed almost every chemistry test so far this semester, despite my claims of actually understanding and being interested in chemistry. Thankfully, Dr. T has given our class an exam review guide which tells us exactly what we need to know.
Monday I could have off.
Tuesday is the government exam, which I hear is pretty easy despite the extremely difficult tests. Also, the English exam covers several books, none of which I've read because they all suck.
Wednesday is my final exam, French. I am confident that I will be fine for this exam, as I have compiled all my notes into one massive packet. Amazing.
- Location:School
- Mood:
stressed - Music:In Held (Twas) In I - Procol Harum
Anyway, to go in depth with out nerd levels, I consider myself to be an academic, music, and internet nerd. She, however, is an academic, music, and VIDEO GAME nerd. I've never met a girl who could beat me at video games. And now the only one I know is dating me. Weird how things like this work, huh?
However, since I am obviously somewhat unattractive enough for it to be significantly late in my life to have my first girlfriend, I am still 100% clueless on how to progress in our relationship. It's been almost two weeks, and we've spent hours of that cuddling, but I STILL haven't worked up the nerve (or the immune system) to kiss her. It makes me think that I am more centered on the cliched notion of the importance of the first kiss, as we've spent plenty of romantic hours together already. I'm mostly writing this to remove my fear of getting to this point (I did at one point, have the perfect opportunity liplock while we were together, but my allergies kicked in. Thanks, pollen) I seem pretty pathetic for worrying so much about it, since I see other couples do it with nothing but the utmost casuality, which is an oxymoron.
Now I know how it would thrill a woman for a guy to just "go in for the kill," but somehow I get the feeling that she is in a similar mindset as me. Oh, if only I were skilled with the opposite sex...
- Location:Around Town
- Mood: hopeful
- Music:Pure Narcotic - Porcupine Tree
Chick #2 hates me.
Fuck love.
If you're a girl who is, who is all of these things:
1.) Hot
2.) Attracted to me
3.) Sensitive/kind
4.) Nerdy enough to translate this
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01101111 01101110 01100101
smaller than me (under 5'7) (that's why it's optional, it really narrows the dating field)
good kisser
cool enough eyes that we can discuss them (i have on numerous occasions)
more liberal political views (Democrats are HOTT... except you Hillary.)
Appreciation for music (this may be asking too much)
Interested in my lifestyle (I am in yours!)
anything else that guys like...
- Location:School
- Mood: lonely
- Music:Steel Monkey - Jethro Tull
Yep, we played it in junior symphony today and it was pretty bitchin.
I was on cymbals, because the percussion parts were mostly pretty lame, and cymbals were actually surprisingly one of the most prevalent parts. I pretty much died on the third movement though. That's okay because it's supposed to be pianissimo anyway. Fourth movement kicked ass.
But anyway, i've decided that i'm not going to reaudition next year just for my own benefit. KJSO really ate my life this year, so i've decided i'll only do it for concerts they request me. So i'll be like a guest but less important sounding. I'm a first-year member, so choosing not to reaudition doesn't mean that they're booting me, it just means that i'm not GUARANTEED a spot. At least I think. I hope.
- Music:Scheherazade - N. Rimsky-Korsakov
Anyway, I don't know ANYONE who fully comprehends the completely insane love life that is me. But what's going on is ridiculously insane and I'm not entirely sure who, in this specific love "quadrangle" is entitled to... rights... to date certain people.
Although there are many other complications arising, I'll strip this issue down to the bare bones.
For the sake of simplicity, I'll refer to myself as dude #2, along with dude #1, chick #1, chick #2.
Okay, so dude #2 likes chick #1, but dude #1 is going out with chick #1. But dude #1 not really secretly anymore likes chick #2! And chick #2 likes dude #2, in which case dude #2 likes chick #2 back somewhat, but only as a friend. This is where it gets confusing. Dude #1 and chick #2 go "on a date" together (chick #1 is not in the question, for some strange, affair-filled reason) and since chick #2 does not exactly like dude #1 back, she invites dude #2 to show up "coincidentally" so that it isn't entirely awkward to her. Dude #2 plans on going anyway, but is afraid that this will force him to come to a decision regarding chicks #1 and #2, which he isn't entirely ready to do. Either way will make dude #1 hate me forever. Choosing chick #1 will not cause anything to happen, and will probably hurt chick #2. Choosing chick #2 will probably hurt me, since I am not romantically attracted to her.
So ultimately I am left with a decision that has no winners, based on my own escapades into flirtatiousness that went too far apparently.
- Location:Dinner and a Movie
- Mood:
confused - Music:5 Years' Time - Noah and the Whale
I was doing research on Mad Cow disease and prions for Current Topics in Science, and this site seemed to have a lot of information. They appeared to have done their research on prions, which are basically proteins that are free of genetic material; no DNA or RNA. There are many more details, but I'll just get to the point. These are found in cows infected with Mad Cow Disease, and in humans afflicted with Cruetzfeld-Jakobs Disease, which is the human equivalent of Mad Cow Disease. Commonly mistaken for Alzheimer's disease, CJD basically eats away at the brain, and death is always the eventual result. There's your background information.
Prions, for a reason that I don't fully understand, cannot be destroyed. We spend a couple million dollars trying to figure out a way to destroy them, but we can't find a proper way to do it. yet. But what bothers me is how the prions came to be in the first place. Basically prions came as a result of poor health amongst bovines, (it's not the cause of Mad Cow, despite popular belief) for which farming companies are solely to blame. Granted, this was 30 years ago that we first uncovered this mysterious little thingy, but I think we've all seen the "forklift" video where the cows who can't walk are lifted around to a meat grinder so they can be eaten. So, basically, we had to recall the meat because there was a risk that the cows had a disease, such as MCD, that could be passed onto humans in the form of CJD. So we're still at risk.
The site acknowledges this however, by blaming the government for EVERYTHING, when really, it's just the farming companies individually, the government cannot exercise that degree of control over farming companies, especially when we spend 3 trillion dollars on our national budgets already. This is where the site loses its credibility. It proceeds to explain that we should all become vegans to avoid CJD, which can be passed on to other animals (pigs are especially sensitive, apparently) On a national scale, barely any people are ever infected with CJD. Ever. So i don't think it's worth hurting all the other companies that make animal products (this includes milk and other dairy too, so don't throw a tizzy, vegetarians; but go ahead vegans)
I'll probably repeat myself tomorrow in class. But whatever, i just thought this site was interesting.
- Location:Home
- Mood: irritated
- Music:The 39th Street Blues (I'm Sick) - Spock's Beard
Because I'm sad, lonely, and pretty damn desperate for attention. I'm pretty glad I have this blog to take it all out on, because bottling up emotion can be rather unhealthy. I'll still probably pay for it when I'm an adult.
- Location:Home
- Mood: depressed
- Music:Collapse the Light Into Earth - Porcupine Tree
Okay, so I was a-flippin through the most recent issue of the Stampede and noticed that there was a lot of mentioning of how IB diploma students and KAMSC kids (w00t) no longer have to fulfill any PE credits.
First of all, I totally agree with this, but there is a huge argument I have to acknowledge as well. Here's the article from the editor (I think)
Generations of Portage Central students have suffered through gym classes.
For many, the experience remains unpleasant; however, the knowledge that a gym credit completes one more graduation requirement is enough motivation to finish those last few laps around the gym. Gym class is simply a rite of passage to be suffered through for all teenagers.
So it was unfortunate, recently, when Portage Public Schools administrators announced a plan that would waive gym credits for students seeking the IB diploma, EFE and EFA students, as well as students who attend KAMSC or take classes off-campus.
The Stampede believes that this policy gives those students an unfair advantage and fails to promote the "healthy lifestyle choices" students should be embracing.
Waiving gym credits in exchange for core classes, in theory, promotes a more challenging academic curriculum.
But students need to be challenged mentally and physically.
Michigan citizens are currently the most obese in the country and the education system should encourage healthy lifestyle choices, not create more reasons to avoid it.
The new waiver also exposes an elitist caste system in which IB, KAMSC and other students receive preferential treatment over the rest of the student body.
There are already options students have employed up to this point and, while somewhat complicated, they offer numerous ways for students to earn the required gym credits.
One cannot "waive" one's way through life, and it's ludicrous for Portage schools to allow students to do just that.
Are we done? Ok, good
Our article starts off with a bang, bluntly stating that gym is a horrible class and nobody wants to take it. This leads me to believe that, well, everyone is jealous of KAMSC and IB kids.
And of course, we have to bring in the argument about how "ugh, these KAMSC kids are obese and need a workout" Really? Last time I checked, most of the kids who aren't enrolled in either program are on average much more overweight.
Blah, blah, blah, more about how I'm a tub of lard.
Ok i find this part rather interesting.
The new waiver also exposes an elitist caste system in which IB, KAMSC and other students receive preferential treatment over the rest of the student body.
Hmmm... i wonder why! Is it because KAMSC kids are smarter than you? And yes, i just quoted Shannon Houtrouw's hat!
Ok, ok, i was joking. I'm sure many of you are equally if not more smart that aren't in either program. And I understand that many of you don't have time in your schedules either to take an in-school gym class.
So can I propose that we just eliminate the necessity for an in-school gym credit anyway? I'm not saying we shouldn't eliminate gym credit requirements for graduation, I still think kids should enroll in extracurricular programs; I went out of my way to join the tennis team this year. So stop thinking "this spoiled KAMSC kid, what a choch" because I'm trying to agree with you. Gym sucks ass.
The "man" definitely predicted I would say this, the article ends on the seemingly meaningful quote "One cannot 'waive' one's way through life." I can waive myself through gym if i damn well please, thank you. If us IB and KAMSC kids could waive our way through homework, we would!
I don't plan on taking KVCC gym classes because you'd have to pay otherwise unnecessary fees. Like Julia said in the other article, "It's like they're punishing me for being smart!" Megan said "I'm not doing the IB diploma, and I still don't have time to take a gym class" That's because you're doing a bunch of academic stuff, which is more time-consuming and beneficial!
My final point is probably the least relevant one; colleges don't give a shit about PE classes you take, it's all about extracurriculars. For your curriculum, they would much rather see AP Calculus on your application than sweat droplets.
I would send this as a letter to the editor, but I would imagine it's a bit too long and dammit, it's just too fucking profane.
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